Saturday, February 20, 2010

This Is Not A Satire.

Who is the most embarrassing person in this Tiger Woods soap opera? Without question, that title goes to Gloria Allred.

Tiger Woods screwed around on his wife. He got caught. He lost his clean-cut public image and, more importantly, his sponsors. Now he's in "rehab" to learn how not to screw around on his wife. Well enough. I figure it's their business, nobody else's. He plays golf, for heaven's sake. Who can blame him for adopting self-destructive habits to escape the tedium of his life.

Most of the women we've seen who claim to have been sex partners with Tiger are pretty tacky women. And that's okay too. He's a golfer. He went for the easy shot.

But this, below, is the funniest thing I've ever seen. I thought it was a satire, but it isn't: it's for real. Gloria Allred, ambulance-driving attorney, is "representing" several of Tiger's bedmates. Although why they need representation is a mystery. Unless there's a book deal. Movie of the week? Nobody's claiming he raped them. They had sex. Adult, consensual sex. So why do they need an attorney?

I saw Allred a few days ago demanding that Tiger Woods publicly apologize to Allred's client, a porn star. Apologize for what? Watch below, and you will learn that the porn star gave up her "career" because Tiger wanted her to. So, according to Allred, he should apologize. Most important is that he must say the porn star's name in public.

Why? I'm guessing Allred knows her client has no claim whatsoever, no ability to extract money from Tiger Woods. So the only thing the porn star has to sell would be a story to a tabloid. And her story would probably be worth a lot more if Tiger spoke her name in public. Does Allred get a percentage of the sales price for the porn star's "story" about her and Tiger? Is the Pope Catholic?

For herself, the porn star demands Tiger meet with her to apologize in person to her. She doesn't say apologize for what. She knew he was married and had children. She had sex with him knowing that. Maybe she's the one who owes an apology to Tiger's wife. How can a porn star who has an affair with a married man claim that she is the victim? I guess that's why she hired a slick attorney like All-Red (that's why she always wears the red suits -- All-Red, get it?)

So, as this scandal plays out on TV, once again we see that it is not the principals who are the most disgraceful: it is the attorney.

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