Monday, October 26, 2009

Thursday Is International Stock Broker, Hedge And Private Equity Fund Suicide Day.

Wouldn't it be loverly if all the stock brokers, hedge and private equity fund managers committed suicide on Thursday, the 80th anniversary of what we used to call "The" Depression. The "Big" Depression. Why do they call it a Depression? Why not call it a crime, theft, international con? Why Depression? It sounds so mysterious -- like some cloud that just appeared and hovered over the world for a decade. But that's not what happened. Instead, some people on Wall Street simply ran a big con, and stole so much money from so many people that they crashed the entire world's economy. October 29, 1929. Big day.

Bad boys, right?

And now they've done it again. There's probably some private club on Wall Street where they compete with prior generations to see who can steal the most money, who can cause the most wars. Did you see today that McDonald's has shut down in some country in Europe because their currency is so devalued, because Wall Street stole all their money, that their people can't even buy a cheap hamburger with a small fries. Now that's what I call poor. Are they Depressed? Or are they victims of crime? I guess they can join the One Billion other people in the world who the U.N. says are starving as I write, because Wall Street stole so much money from the rest of the world. One Billion starving human beings. I wonder if there's some prize for that?

There is a guy named Jeffrey Picower who was bff, a "special" friend to Bernie Madoff, allegedly an insider, who took $7 Billion of the money Bernie stole from all the people who trusted him. Anyway, this guy Picower decided to jump the gun (so to speak) on this Thursday's scheduled International Stock Broker And Hedge And Private Equity Fund Suicide Day. (Should I put "First Annual" as a prefix?) This guy Picower is dead, dead, dead, but not dead enough as far as I'm concerned. He was found in the swimming pool of one of his many homes purchased with the blood of Bernie's victims. So he either had a heart attack or drowned. Maybe he died of a guilty conscience. Naaaah, just kidding. Too bad he didn't wait until Thursday and join the rest of them.

If you know any stock brokers, or hedge fund managers, or private equity fund managers, be sure to send them a reminder of the big event. I'm hoping for a really big turn-out.


  1. In the end, they found Gatsby dead floating face down in his swimming pool too and despite all of his money none of his "friends" attended his funeral.

  2. My favorite book. What a great reference. Except I think Gatsby was an honest criminal, while Daisy and Tom, the upper classes, were the real crooks. Modern Library puts The Great Gatsby as the second best novel of the 20th century (Ulysses by James Joyce is first).

    "They're a rotten crowd," Nick says, "You're worth the whole damn bunch put together."