Sunday, August 23, 2009

"Christian" Doctors Oppose Snuffing Grandma.

My local community has a mega-church/Christian Casino where the rich people go to steal money from the poor by threatening them with the fires of hell and eternal condemnation unless they give big money into the buckets every Sunday.

One of the constant threats that gets people to open their pocketbooks is that if you don't give enough money, God won't like you, then you won't be able to spend eternity with your family -- they'll be in one place, you'll be in another. I guess they never met my family.

As for snuffing grandma, I know a lot of old ladies I'd personally snuff with or without a kick-back from the insurance companies. Top of my list would be the ones under 5' tall who drive the big cars, can't see anything, get a determined look on their face and step on the gas pedal, in reverse, public be damned. I'd pull the plug on them in a heartbeat, the number of times they've scared the pee out of me. Go ahead, honk at them -- they're deaf, and they can't hear. Or they pull out across 3 lanes and wait for everyone to stop so they can go all the way over into the 4th lane, because seventy-two miles from now they need to be in the 4th lane so they can turn right.

There's also the old lady who works at a local retail store as a checker, and every time she hands me my bag full of whatever junk I just bought she always says "Have a blessed day," and I always recoil in horror, grit my teeth and close my eyes tight, turn away before I give in to my impulse to put my hands around her neck and squeeze. I bought some paper towels -- I didn't come in for a prayer session.

And why does everyone talk about snuffing grandma, anyway? Why not snuff grandpa, who for whatever sick reasons can never remember to zip his fly? Whole generations of children have been traumatized by flashing grandpas. Why not snuff them, if we want to rid the world of some real unattractive folks?

My local newspaper today had 3 articles written about healthcare in the opinion section. One by a highly respected doctor in the community said nobody's talking about snuffing anyone, the right-wing is crazy, we do need healthcare reform, everything costs too much, and we need to get serious and stop the screaming. Another one basically said yes we need some, but maybe not everything should be changed.

But the third article was written by a group of 8 "Christian" Doctors. Christian Doctors Against Healthcare Reform. Including 2 plastic surgeons, and we all know how critical they are to the Christian faith. Nobody wants to go to church on Sunday and look at a bunch of ugly people with big noses and tiny little chins. Actually, I think the ugly Christian have to go to to the poor church in the "mixed" neighboring town (you know -- the one where everyone isn't of the Anglo-Saxon persuasion).

The Christian Doctors, each of whom undoubtedly is worth multi-millions of dollars, focused their article on the claim that Obama's health care reform will "inevitably" lead to doctors murdering patients, pushing confused old people (grandma again) to "choose" "assisted suicide" so the doctor can knock her off rather than treat her. You know -- that section of the pending bill. F-ing Morons.

I have a modest proposal. If the only way we can have a functioning health care system that doesn't bankrupt the country is by exterminating huge groups of people, I say let's start with the Christians. Hands off Grandma.


  1. I really did love this on TruthDig! So, I peeked around and started reading your blog, and just wanted you to know that I am going to enjoy the hell out of reading it! Thanks for sharing it all out there the way you do. I'm looking forward to the thoughts and the laughs I get out of agreeing with you and the way you have it phrased. I've never been one for sugar on shit.

  2. Thanks for the kind words. I just love some of the comments I get. "Sugar on shit?" That's wonderful. I'll probably steal it, so don't be surprised if it turns up on one of my blog pieces.