Our handsome, charming, and quite amazing President Barack Obama went to Congress tonight to address those mere politicians, and to speak to the citizens and the world who, I am certain, we will learn turned in by the billions to hear our wonderful President. And he was charming and made terrific points, such as that we will end the war in Iraq, we will close Guantanamo, the U.S. will no longer torture people, that we will reform healthcare and education to help our own citizens, and we will become a better citizen to the world. He even had the Republicans standing up and applauding when they thought that deaf dumb fat guy on the radio might have taken a drug-break from the TV.
The TV stations offered to allow the Republicans to have time to respond to our wonderful President Obama's speech. But there was a problem. You see, the Republicans could not find even one Republican politician in Congress to respond on their behalf. It turns out all the Republican politicians in Congress are either under indictment, or under investigation, or have been involved in public sex scandals, or have been stealing money from the public and funneling it to their rich friends for 8 straight years now, and otherwise were completely covered in dirt.
So they had to go way far away from Washington D.C. to find a Republican who could speak on TV for the Republican Party. They asked the Governor of Lousiana to do it. Apparently nobody looked at the calendar, and realized the speech would come right in the middle of Mardi Gras. But the Governor was a good sport. He didn't mind being seen in his finest duds.
So he came on TV and said a bunch of really stupid things that nobody listened to anyway. I mean he's from Lousiana, the most corrupt state in the nation. He's defending Republicans by saying "Well, look how well we did in Katrina." This guy must have gone to the same school as George W. Bush. Maybe his family was bussed to Texas after some other hurricane drowned his poor neighbors. Lousiana, which I believe is competing with Mississippi for poorest state, worst environmental controls, completely failed schools, cops who are murderers for hire on the side. Lousiana which has sucked millions out of the federal government and the people in this country and taken all that money and put it into the pockets of the rich Republican politicians while their own people sleep in poisoned trailers. Lousiana which hasn't even bothered to pick up all the dead people that drowned during that great Republican triumph known as Katrina. Yeah, good choice. Way to go Bobby.