CPAC (ConMen, Predators, And Crooks)

CPAC is meeting in D.C. CPAC is a right-wing group that gets together once a year to share their racist jokes, cartoons and postcards, sell UFO T-shirts and I Heart Dick lapel buttons, plot to spread their hate and racism and sexism across the country, and get shitfaced and/or laid by the female groupies who actually attend these meetings.

Here's an on-line female person named Katie, in her recliner, telling the world how excited she is that she will going to CPAC this year. What exactly excites her? First, she'll get to see Glenn Beck in person. Glenn Beck, the psychotic paranoid delusional tearful idiot from TV. And the second thing that she's excited about: the Food! She apparently saw Palin getting nailed for writing things on her hand, so Katie decided to write her speech on her feet instead.



Hey Katie: We're laughing at you. Not with you.

So what is included in the gift-bags that they give out to the people who attend CPAC?

1. For the "religious" men, the special Ted Haggard gift bag: a Bible, a condom, and some methamphetamine.

2. For the frequent-flyer men, a pair of tap shoes and a map to the nearest men's restroom.

3. For the radio personalities: 10 large bags of greasy potato chips, 10 cheeseburgers with large fries, a few bottles of viagra, and a cleaning bucket full of cocaine.

4. For the left-overs from the Bush-Cheney regime: handcuffs, slantboards, wetsuits and whips.

5. For the Log-Cabin men: a closet.

6. For the women who love Sarah Palin: a wooden cross they can climb up on to self-crucify, with a plaque on the cross that says: "I'm persecuted because of my kids. Not because I'm stupid."